"The butterflies are hidden away in places that even the bravest haven’t searched."

You seem uninhibited and yet, you pick up often on my inhibitions when I’m with you. I search the depths of my mind to understand you, but the deeper I dive the more questions arise. Unwavering and yet, still at the precipice of uncertainty. Our passions are apparent, electric and yet, deliberately stunted from growing within you.

Reasons only known to you and yet, to us…when we are together, it’s so deliciously sought after because of the wrongness within it. The forbidden fruit as attractive as it is, tastes even sweeter on the lips and sends shivers through my entire body as I lay expectations at your feet. You kick them away. The gap between us grows wider.

Unintentionally, I stumble upon your honey soaked dreams in this space. Vivid, wild dreams, only you would know. Melting my bones, your velvet voice escapes from behind your lips and flows into my ears. Filling me up with those dreams too and how much fun it would be to have them with you. Would it be selfish if I searched for myself within yours too?

I’m curious by nature and yet enamored by how fleeting our time seems to be. All I have is the spectacular now. This shifts us into rocking back and forth in a dance of evading our vulnerabilities. The intimacy is there, the energy is all consuming, and yet, any feelings are actively avoided. Complications are landmines only leading to broken promises.

This is only meant to be simple and yet, you’re trying so hard to hold back…I can feel you retreat. You shut me out at the stir of any unwanted sensations bubbling within you. You won’t win this war without transparency. It’s stardust and fire, baby.

The magic of our energies encompassing one space is combustible. I’m intoxicated by your sweetness and under the influence of your powerful soul. You tame me in ways no one else is able, but I’d never admit it.

Powerful feelings lead to powerful endings and if this is our unmaking, why am I so drawn to it? You are a flame in a galaxy of shimmering beams and the stars explode for you, darling. Melting me with every bite on the lips, I would burn for you if only you’d ask, but maybe if we wait…this feeling will pass ❤️

The person writing this poem is not me. She is the phantom limb of someone different. An extension of someone with different values and moral upbringing. If she were me, she would make better choices, heavy on the self-love and always trying to find the high road.The person writing this poem is not me. She is the phantom limb of someone different. An extension of someone with different values and moral upbringing. If she were me, she would make better choices, heavy on the self-love and always trying to find the high road.

The mirror isn’t reflecting the person I was, but who I am now. This isn’t me. There are lessons behind these eyes that have been etch and sketched into my brain. The reflection doesn’t glow or warm my heart as it did before. Its darker in this room than I would care to admit and colder in this body than I had even prepared for.

The imposter snuck in through the back door of my mind and has been squatting and wreaking havoc on my thoughts. Planted ideas whispered in my voice, actions that don’t match my good intention, and feelings bubbling over the surface.

An uninvited visitor left the gateway open. Anxiety slowly oozed in with the unwanted company and it seems to be hibernating in my gut for the winter. Drowning doesn’t seem to fully capture how it fills me up until I poured over, sick to my stomach with grief for the girl I lost in this place. Only echoes linger.

Crying spells, lying to the people that love me, lying to myself with ideas soaked in nostalgia. These are memories that seem branded to my soul and I will carry them until the feelings that haunt this body can be melted away and expose a new canvas. I catch glimpses of giddy feelings that linger in the doorway and expose the past versions that existed, but its easy to ignore with the present circumstances.

The hazy moments fade like stars at dawn and quiet mornings set fire to the day dreams. Thoughts I can’t help spiraling through and my gut is churning the buttery grime of a broken spirit.

It was all a dream and yet, she lingers.

Posted by・☆Winta☆・December 3, 2022

The butterflies are hidden away in places that even the bravest haven’t searched. At first this storm was so full of possibilities, but did you even notice when they put down their net and showed a lack of interested in finding the butterflies within you?

When the world turned and you learned how to be consumed by someone who is entirely consumed with themself. Note the trajectory of a journey stunted by a lack of growth.

The forest surrounding your soul is still, but the pull to save a soul that is NOT yours is as loud as the humid forest when the sun switches off and the crickets sing.

A torch ignited with the fuel planted nearby that was supposed to light up your path, but instead the torch burns for them.

It burns and burns wild, but do not be confused. It is not burning passion, but a burn to make them happy so you don’t have to couple in misery, and you pretend it’s reciprocated, but for how long?

How long can that last?

When intensity turns in to insanity…is it worth the burn? The thrill of the toxicity is over looked while the safety of a heart that you guarded up until the beacons were lit can be side stepped and traded for obsession because all you’ve ever wanted is being falsely represented. Wrapped in a pretty package that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from.

…do you just accept it? Chalk it up to a simple life full of expectations that you silently agreed to when you gave up your journey because theirs looked so much more “fixable.” Waiting patiently for the dust to settle. Sitting at the edge of your seat until you realize the only certainty in this place is that the dust never settles. The only constant is always being on the edge of your seat waiting for the next thing you’ve done wrong.

I pray you find the Northern lights, the stars, or even the Moon. I hope one Sunday you can put down the torch, switch on the sun and learn the difference between the two.

I settle into the most generic form or feeling of completeness to help alleviate the presence of loneliness that I've acquired along with the trust issues that have latched onto the luggage I've been enticed to carry with me.

I pray to the one who listens and watches my struggles. I fall to my knees and pour myself out, drop by drop until I am left high and dry, bitter and sweet. I beg and plead, asking for honesty, camaraderie, simplicity, but what I receive is quite the opposite.

Mentally exhausted from holding back what should be freely given. Love is beautiful, but it must be buried because people are afraid of it. It must be hidden because it's too much for them to accept.

Why is it always this way? Why did all this love get placed in my heart for it to forever go untouched? Why am I working so hard to keep people in my life that treat me as less than I am?

My soft, naive, forgetful, forever forgiving, unapologetic, strong beating heart will soon turn colors it's not meant to and it will harden where the capacity of my love blooms...So when the time comes that some one actually sees me for what I am and who I've been, it will be too late for him to love me.

If I continue to accept less than I deserve, I will become less than. To grow, I must let go, to bloom, I must be able to water my garden and give love freely without holding back. This love is in me for a purpose and I will plant the seed of purpose in another soul one day. I just...have to keep waiting in this place until that soul finds me too ❤️

I will tell you right now this was not my fault. You led me here. To a path you forged, and you gave me every right to peek behind the curtain. A life that you built day by day in the years your lungs learned to fill you with air and your veins full of blood.

You sat me on this window sill and let me be a witness to your beautiful soul. Courageous and outgoing, shy and soft spoken. You have been everywhere and nowhere but some how you became home to me.

Thank you.

I didn’t even know how precious a gift it was for you to let me look through the glass and see all your seasons. The days are better with you in them and Winter comes when you leave. I have never craved another soul the way I crave the one in you.

My thoughts are full of flowers that bloom in the evening when I get to hold you and blossom when you call me baby.

The window brings me warm breezes full of your scent and the possibility of my life spent with you.

Only you.

You don’t question my loyalty because you know it’s yours and you soothe my anxious mind because I know you are mine.

God broke the mold the day we intertwined. The electricity in our touch can start a fire and it would burn everything around us. All I see is you and the window you let me in through

There was a boy who carried a flower in his hand. He watched it as it bloomed and he was unequivocally entranced by its colors. He called the flower beautiful and held it tight.

The flower knew of his love and devotion and while he watched her bloom, she fawned over his attention. As she had just began to love him, her essence started to fade and her colors were no longer vibrant in nature.

One day the flower heard the boy call out the word beautiful. Her colors began to brighten as she waited for the boy to hold her tight once more.

He entered the room with a smile on his devious face while another willingly followed. “You’re so beautiful,” he exclaimed. The flower felt a sting hearing the word spoken to another. Her wilting petals burned with pain and as she dissolved, the boy plucked her from her sanctuary.

The flower felt vulnerable as he handed her to the stranger. A single petal fell slowly and quietly to the floor and the boy expressed, “this was the most beautiful flower in the garden, please cherish it until it is dust.”

The unfamiliar voice whispered into the flower, “I will cherish even the dust.” The hands that held her did not feel the same, but the new heart that cherished her felt like the begining. The flower, although delicate and dying was still beautiful and would remain beautiful because she made them feel the beauty of new beginnings and the possibility of happy endings ❤